Of soy sauce and sake
by Natsu chan
Summary: Kenshin's plans don't go as intended due to the smallest member of the Kamyia dojo and he's none too impressed. One shot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Rurouni Kenshin.

Author's notes: Remember that cute fish stealing kitty in episode 3, well here she is up to her old tricks. This is my first attempt at humour, I say attempt for good reason. I don't think my rather dry sense of humour translates well into print. This fic was written in response to the Meiji challenge. Please read and review.

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It was the Tanabata, the star festival, that prompted him to go to all this effort. Food was the only thing he felt completely comfortable offering her. It was safe with no romantic connotations or anything else that would leave him babbling and red faced. This was why there were plates piled with carefully decorated onigiri and little fish balls, a wok of miso soup and anything else he could think of, all laying under clean white tea towels. Now he'd had only the beef hot pot Tae had suggested, to make and it would be ready. Only he hadn't counted on the cat.

Kenshin stood scowling his chopsticks raised like a katana. Kaoru's cat, however, just peered back at him. Apparently, innocent with its large ears perked forward and its eyes wide. Kenshin wasn't fooled for below all that its whole demeanour reeked of self satisfaction. It wriggled the piece of meat clamped between its jaws in a singularly provocative fashion. It was undoubtedly the cat's fault.

The small black cat raised its head a little flaunting its prize and Kenshin's last semblance of patience flew. It had taken him weeks to scrap together the money for all this food. He pounced and at the same moment, the small black cat took flight.

"Itai!" He yelped as the collection of ingredients rained down on to his clothes and hair. A moment later, he found his next comment cut off by a puddle of sake, as the cat jumped down on to his head with all its usual daintiness and distain.

He was sure the little black cat smirked at him before it strolled away its tail held high. Kenshin propped himself up on his elbows and felt a daikon radish roll off his back and then with his face in his hands he sighed. Now what was he going to cook for Kaoru's dinner? He moaned, Kaoru was going to kill him he was sure of it. Not only was his lovely dinner ruined but it also looked like he'd have no dinner ready for her at all. He lay there for a while, surrounded by puddles of sake and soy sauce contemplating the situation until Yahiko's yelling attracted his attention.

He sighed and clambered to his feet watching as the majority of dinner fell around him. What was worse was that he smelt of soy sauce. He took hold of his pony tail, and watched the long, slow, dark brown drips fall from it and on to the floor. He really wasn't looking forward to washing his gi. Kenshin's shoulders drooped, clearly, he'd have to go out and get some tofu amongst other things. His scowled deepened, he was going to kill the wretched animal.

Yahiko's voice hit a higher pitch. Kenshin sighed.

"Yare yare" and padded tentatively out of the kitchen and down the hall, leaving a sticky trail of soy sauce in his wake. Out of the corner of his eye, his saw the black cat. He feinted indifference and so did the cat. All the same, he was sure it was suppressing a smirk. Koneko, for that was the little cat's name, gazed up at Kenshin unblinking, rather as if she was trying not to laugh. Kenshin scowled and stalked off to silence Yahiko's yelling.

Kenshin slid the shoji open with far more force than usual, it rattled anxiously beneath his hand. His face twisted into a deep scowl of frustration and he stank of sake and soy sauce. Yahiko was effectively silenced. If Kenshin hadn't looked quite so angry, he would have laughed for Kenshin looked as though he'd been in a food fight.

"Well?" Kenshin snapped as a particularly large drop of soy sauce dripped down his face. Yahiko bit his lower lip in an attempt not to laugh but it didn't help much. Kenshin eyed him with a certain amount of irritability. Yahiko snorted, gasped, and suddenly laughed.

"Kaoru's going to kill you."

Kenshin scowled he hardly needed reminding. He grumbled something to himself under his breath and wiped some of the sake away from his face, leaving large brown soy sauce smears in its place. Oh yes Kaoru was going to kill him. The smell of sake drifted down to Yahiko's nose.

"Are you drunk? You're talking funny." He looked up at Kenshin a big grin smeared across his face. This was just too funny. The scowl on Kenshin's usually gentle face deepened. Then just to further Kenshin's embarrassment Koneko chose that moment to peek around the shoji. The piece of meat now much diminished and coated in dirt still dangling from her mouth. Yahiko looked at the small black cat and then back at Kenshin and back at Koneko again. Oh yes this really was too funny the greatest swordsman in Japan being out witted by a tiny black cat. He dissolved in to gales of laughter.

"I have to go get some tofu." Kenshin grunted as he turned on his heels and headed for the well.

Under the ice cold well water, he started to calm down. Water however has little fight against the stubbornness of soy sauce. So now he was wet as well as covered in cooking condiments. For a fleeting moment, the face of Hiko smirking and bellowing baka denshi filled his mind. He scowled. He would have liked to have seen the man deal with that cat. Except of course if it had been Hiko in his situation Kaoru would have been bare foot and pregnant long ago.

Then horror of horrors he heard the dojo door open, followed by Kaoru's cheerful.

"I'm back!"

He closed his eyes, hoping against hope that he was imaging things. Even Saito turning up and demanding a duel would be better than facing Kaoru once she'd seen the kitchen. He lifted the bucket of water and doused himself again, but even that didn't block out Kaoru's shriek. His last fleeting thought as the slim dark haired woman crossed the yard like an avenging angel was… well, this can't be good and he was right. It wasn't.

(2005)


End file.
